Well... Now what to do?

Well I screwed up, and sence no one but a very select few ever seem to visit this sight. I think I am going to put my blogging on hold. I need write more in inspiring places. I appologise... I know I have done wrong, and I want to pay for it. So if you ever read this, and you know who you are... My offer still stands...

So... What is the Point.

Whats the point of things?
Why do people need love?
Better question... Why do I need love?
Well lets think this logicaly through shall we?
Love what is love?
It is the chemical, phisical, emotional, and spirtual commetment from one person to another.
Meaning?
In english- You have something more then a hard-on for someone that really doesn't go away.
So what does it do for us?
It gives us the motivation, insperation, and determination to get through the tough times in our lives.
In common slang- It's the shit.
So does it always last?
No it really doesn't. Something always happens. Someone always screws it up. And when that happens, all the things it gives, it takes away with vengence, and then some.
So the dull can understand- When it gets fucked up, and it does mostly, you get fucked up... Properly fucked.
So why do we need it?

this stays here.

This stays here. I don't care who you are. I don't care what you beleive... And most of all I don't care what it is you think of me. So don't put comments on here like, you should talk to someone, or don't do it people love you. I don't give a shit. I did something horrible and now I want out. But I don't want to kill myself, cause I said I wouldn't. Now does anyone passing through this site, know of any hitman, that is willing, if paid, to kill his employer...

ARG!

DAMN! I hate, yes I said hate damn it, I hate you hard heartened Christians, who call your self's this, but don't know the meaning of the word. You think trying not to sin is going to save your souls? HA! I am sorry, but God paid for our sins. Why must you continue to focus on not sinning? There was a prof I heard of who would walk into his class on Christianity and hand out a $100 bill and say to a random person every year, "Here do you want this? It's yours, if you do. No? Why not?" The reason they always gave was because they didn't do anything for it. That's why you want to not sin. That’s why you think it matters. But it doesn't. What matters is what you do with that gift. God gave us that gift and it right in front of our nose. And yet, what do you do. You take it and give $50 back. Your missing the point! You are supposed to take it and use it. But not for YOUR pleasure, but for the good of the common man. Spend it on food for that homeless individual you walk by, whether he asks for it or not. Give it your neighbour who can't afford this months rent! Give it to anyone who NEEDS it. And then, give more. Give everything you have. And you'll see why and what it means to be a Christian. Yes you need to love God, and Yes you do need to ask for forgiveness. but that's not what makes you a Christian. That’s what makes a believer! Hell! Satin would be a believer. What? Satin doesn't ask for forgiveness. Your right! Finally. Your right he doesn't, because he doesn’t care. But he is still a believer. he still believes in God, and salvation. The big difference is he see's his salvation in the exact opposite thing that a Christian does. He see's it in harming us. He thinks that he can ruin everything and if everything is ruined then guess what, nothing can harm him! But did any of you Christian every see that before now? No. You might not even believe it now. But then again, you ARE the ones who God speaks of in the verse thee hearts are hardened to the word... The word is not to try and stop sinning! It was to be like Jesus... To sacrifice our OWN life’s, for others.... For love.

The Black Rose

“The red rose whispers of passion
And the white rose breaths of love.
Oh, the red rose is a falcon
And the white rose is a dove.”

But this Black Rose that I give to you
Yells of Death, and Re-birth,
It is not a falcon or a dove, but something of more girth.
It is a Raven, a messenger of graves
Coming to tell you that I am dead.
Dead to be Re-born, a re-birth that saves,
But I speak not of Jesus, though that too,
I speak of me finally being over you.
I speak of me following my dreams,
To places you just can not follow.
And finally I end this with my now
Empty heart, which rings of being hollow.

Devon

Wow... kinda wierd

It's a little strange, I haven't written anyting in a only a couple of days, and yet it feels like it has been so much... Longer. I don't know if this is a good thing, or a bad. Aguess it's just a thing.

Mt St Helen

To You My Curse And Gift

Sexual frustrations,
And feeling of love,
Confused associations,
Dropping surprise from above.

Dark thoughts of betrayal,
And the bitter taste of pain,
Plans of the feature de-rail,
And burn like an acidic rain.

Worry and despair,
Two brothers it is true,
And from you good feelings tear,
And leave you blue.

Now giving up,
Having a couple of glasses of wine,
And taking in another cup,
And again on frustration of you, I dine.

Devon Coupland

How long has it been?

I spoke to her just the other day.
The girl of my heart,
The girl of my past.
I ran out what to say,
Even before I could start,
And just let the silence last.

How long has it been sense I was able,
To spend a day with never a thought of her,
Or go an hour without her in my mind?
Now before you label,
Know one thing for sure,
My smile to her is still gentle and kind.

Oh but now what to do?
My past, me, and now my another love,
And me stuck in the middle to choose,
Who?
To pursue a falsehood that can never from my mind can be shoved,
Or the present day muse?

Devon Coupland

Barkeep
Another mekong please
Yes of course, you can keep the change
A new glass here for this new friend of mine
Forgive me, I’ve forgot your name
Flip a coinWhat shall we talk about
Heads I tell the truth
Tails I lie
I came all the way
From taipai today
Now bangkok’s pouring rain
And I’m going blind again
And I ain’t seen my girl
In fifteen thousand miles
Is it trueIt’s always happy hour here
If it is I’d like to stay a while
And as cliche as it sounds
I’d like to raise another round
And if you bottles empty
Help yourself to mine
Thank you for your time
And here’s to life
Barkeep
We need to go around again
One for me and what’s his name
My new best friend
Deal me in
And I’ll pick my cards up off the floor
I’ll see my lucky coin
And raise a pack of lies
Smile to the girl at the door
Another 4 dollar whore
But don’t look her in the eyes
She’ll break your heart
We came all the way
From taipai today
Now bangkok’s pissin’ rain
And we’re going blind again
And I ain’t seen my girlIn fifteen thousand miles
Is it trueIt’s always happy hour here
If it is I’d like to stay a while
And as cliche as it sounds
I’d like to raise another round
And if you bottles empty
Help yourself to mine
Thank you for your time
And here’s to life
Is it trueIt’s always happy hour here
If it is I’d like to stay a while
And as cliche as it sounds
I’d like to raise another round
And if you bottles empty
Help yourself to mine
Thank you for your time
And here’s to life


The Refreshments-Mekong

Aguess you could call this my flavor of the week, but I have come back to this song often. It seems to be able to steady me. Well atleast support me as I have a rum and coke. Aguess my question is, is it better to be a filthy drunk living on the streets or a suicidal bum living in a home? And here is the hardest part to grasp, I mean this all in the mind... I am not going to be living on the streets of Lethbridge or any street except for the ones in my mind. Another way of putting it is, is it better to live in the past as an observer, or in the present as one who doesn't REALLY care if he lives?

To That Girl

Life’s beauty, takes it’s hold.
I saw her and held my breath,
For she’s gorgeous, and I need not be told,
That I can never reach her, even in death.

Her smile splits my heart apart,
And she could crumble me to stone.
She holds my heart,
And I for all I am I stand alone.

Her hair looks as soft as silk,
Her shy smile keeps me up,
And her skin as white as milk,
This the bitterness in my cup.

Alcohol

Alcohol, my permanent accessory
Alcohol, a party-time necessity
Alchool, alternative to feeling like yourself
O Alcohol, I still drink to your health

I love you more than I did the week beforeI discovered alcohol
Forget the caffe latte,screw the raspberry iced tea
A Malibu and Coke for you, a G&T for me Alcohol,
Your songs resolve likemy life never will
When someone else is picking up the bill

I love you more than I did the week before I discovered alcoholO Alcohol,
would you please forgive me?
For while I cannot love myself
I'll use something elseI thought that Alcohol was just for those with
nothing else to do
I thought that drinking just to get drunk
was a waste of precious booze
But now I know that there's a time
and there's a place where I can choose
To walk the fine line betweenself-control
and self-abuse

I love you more than I did the week before I discovered alcohol
Would you please ignore that youfound me on the floor
Trying on your camisole?
O Alcohol, would you please forgive me?
For while I cannot love myselfI'll use something else
Would you please forgive me?
Would you please forgive me?


Barenaked ladies- alcohol

Compassion

A beggar in the street I saw,
Who held a hand like withered claw,
As cold as clay;
But as I had no silver groat
To give, I buttoned up my coat
And turned away.

And then I watched a working wife
Who bore the bitter load of life
With lagging limb;
A penny from her purse she took,
And with sweet pity in her look
Gave it to him.

Anon I spied a shabby dame
Who fed six sparrows as they came
In famished flight;
She was so poor and frail and old,
Yet crumbs of her last crust she doled
With pure delight.
Then sudden in my heart was born
For my sleek self a savage scorn,--
Urge to atone;
So when a starving cur I saw
I bandaged up its bleeding paw
And bought a bone.

For God knows it is good to give;
We may not have so long to live,
So if we can,
Let's do each day a kindly deed,
And stretch a hand to those in need,
Bird, beast or man.

--- Robert Service

Bitterness

Anger raging in my veins
Like a thundering storm of pounding rains.
My blood boils, my heart pounds.
I loose control of a messed mind.
I release hatred when someone’s kind.
I can’t think I just brood.
When I reply my voice is crude.
I feel murder in my soul.
A darkness covers my eyes.
I slash and my threat is not hollow.
If I look at you all of you dies!
World watch where you wallow!

Good by Friend

As some friend’s come, and others go
All we really know is what we show,
On the smiles as we meet,
Past the eyes as we greet,

In our hearts as we share in our souls deep despair.

Yet I have enjoyed our time together,
As we tried to open our heart,
I now know you better,
And so shall we now depart


For an old girlfriend, for a few long and lonely friends, and to those who I will be leaving in a few short weeks. How I will miss you.

Another Riddle

Another Riddle

I am made without batteries, electricity or air,
I have quite the reputation with women and men,
And in company pass me around, for it’s only fair,
But many keep me close even then.

For heartache a cure and curse am I,
And I come in so many tastes here.
One such is named after a bread, I can’t lie,
For if someone has too much of me stay clear.

You can find me in the pool players hand,
Or in the mouth of the dancing whore,
With the local bar’s band,
But be for warned, for everyone wants more.

My Pain of Your Performance

Pain breaks at my heart like a bomb,
It torments my breath, and makes me cry.
It’s explosion reverberates my mind like a gong,
And all I want to do is die.
But I can’t because a promise made,
To a debt that can never be paid,
And so here I will lie in tears.

You avoid my love, and drown my affections,
Find my heart, and sever my connections.
You kiss and give me hope,
Only to turn the cold shoulder,
And show me that I’m a dope.
Who will never grow any older.

And so I ponder if you ever felt what I feel,
The bitter embrace of sorrows kiss.
You have never heard a song’s healing meaning,
But yet, you still listen to all of this
Can you ever see the pain you cause?
Or do you just perform and approve of your applause?
Do you even care of what people think?
Or are you ok to be the slime that is found under the kitchen sink?

You can have me acting like your lap dog with just a wink of your eye?
And yet, you just sit there and allow me to die.

MURDER OF EMOTION

Ok so this is one of my poems yet again, and I feel that I should warn people that is one is VERY dark. I am not homicidal, and nor was I when I wrote this. It's just a form of expression.


MURDER OF EMOTION

Tears of rage flow from me freely
My anger boils and you can see me,
Starting to loose control and break,
Starting to rip in half and take,

One more laugh,
And no more fake,
Friendships, and respect,
No more speeches on attitude,
If I had money to bet
I would say
Those around me have a low aptitude.

I will not be treated unfairly anymore,
I will get out and make you sore,
I will break your back,
Pull out your eyes
Put them into a sack,
And feed your corpse to the flies.

I will sneak into your home and creep,
Past where your bed post does keep,
An eye on your slumber,
And I will murder you in your sleep.
Even then I will not be sorry for what I have done,
I will have enjoyed it, might even have called it fun.

For no matter what I can be not satisfied,
Or gratified, when you shut,
The door on me for being me.
Do you want me to shout out in glee?
Be happy all the time?
Oh why can’t you just hear,
Even the most beautiful chime,
Still has a note of sadness and of fear.