I hate today

Fuck I hate feeling this way. I know they are having a party tonight, and though I would love to go, I can't. Not because I'm not in the city, because I will be there, but because I can't see her. I think I am invited, but I just can't. I want her to have fun, so I can't be there. But if I'm lucky I can get really pissed drunk. That would be nice. No seeing her. No wanting to touch her face. To run my fingers through her hair. No loving her. Just he sweet bliss of intoxication.